TThe struggle of friendship vs relationship
Friendship vs relationship is one of those apples-or-oranges debates that we crave discussing as human beings. The two have always played a central role in social life worldwide. And although they are a big part of ‘’emotional wellbeing’’ to many, I personally never felt compelled to make such connections with people. I do believe, however, that friendship and relationships are worth the time if they are quality. Some people are lucky enough to have both a quality friendship and a quality relationship. But even in those rare cases, most people end up losing one or both because they do not know the real difference between them and/or how to ‘’juggle’’ them.
This is exactly what we are going to talk about today.
Table of contents
In this article, we will examine friendship and relationship concepts piece by piece. We will examine:
- What friendship and relationships mean
- The subtle differences between them
- Which one is more important than the other
- Tips on how to avoid choosing one over the other
- Tips on what to do if you have to choose
- The Taken For Granted’s special touch on the subject
Let’s jump right in!
What friendship and relationships mean
Same definition, different expectation
Friendship and relationships should not be put in separate baskets, as both stem from caring deeply about someone. The only reason most of us think a relationship is different from friendship is the physical intimacy associated with it. However, if physical intimacy is what separates a relationship from friendship, then there would be no difference between a relationship and friends with ”benefits.
Relationships are different because they come with different expectations. You expect a relationship to last forever.
Why are expectations different?
Growing up changes you
Shouldn’t friendship last forever, too? We believe it should, but deep down, we know it usually doesn’t. There comes a time when friends go their separate ways or lose touch. Friends won’t live with you. As adult responsibilities grow, they’ll have less time—it’s life. You spend more time on relationships than on friendships.
Doesn’t the relationship end, too? Relationships can sadly end as quickly as friendships, but again, at the end of the day, you go home, not your friend’s home. Someone who is in a relationship with you will live with you, but someone who is friends with you won’t.
As an adult, you will settle into a job, and you will barely have time to go to parties or see your friends as often as you used to at school or university. So basically, you socialise more with your lover and less with your friends. This is why relationship always outgrows friendships.
New work-life balance creates different demands.
Because of your job and the new responsibilities that come with adulthood, your lifestyle will change. All you will be thinking about after you finish your work is going home and spending some time with your lover, which will make you feel better about how tough life can be sometimes. Because of this, you also appreciate your lover more than any other friend.
Does that mean that that friendship is doomed to fail? Or that love will always kill off friendship?
The good news is—no. It doesn’t always have to be like that.
Either friendship or relationship: is it inevitable?
People often lose a friendship, a relationship, or both because they lack a strategic approach to their social lives. To reach your full potential, it is essential to both choose the right friends and partners and foster harmony between them. Achieving this requires timely and well-considered decisions.
What does this all mean?
If all of this sounds overwhelming to you, don’t fret! We will address this step by step and provide real-life examples of friendship vs. a relationship in the next section.
Do you have to choose between friendship and a relationship?
For clarification purposes, we will further break friendship vs relationship into smaller categories:
- short-term friendship vs long-term relationship
- long-term friendship vs short-term relationship
- opposite sex friendship vs long-term relationship.
- long-term friendship vs long-term relationship
We will define, compare, and evaluate all the above types of relationships to make informed decisions that lead to the ideal social life, creating lasting harmony for you and your loved ones.
Short-term friendship vs long-term relationship
A short-term friend is not someone you feel a strong connection to, so staying in touch for long, let alone forever, is unlikely.
Short-term friendship is not harmful. On the contrary, it can bring some needed change to the what-can-sometimes-be boring familiarity of life. Maybe you meet for a drink from time to time, and it can be fun, but it starts at the bar and ends at the bar.
It becomes harmful when you prioritize ‘fun’ over your long-term partner, who needs it as much as you do. Your attitude is wrong. You’re sacrificing a stable relationship for fickle fun with a friend who doesn’t have your best interests in mind.
For example, you choose drinking over spending time with your partner, who’s supported you for months or years. Don’t do this. If it happens often, drop the short-term friend. Otherwise, you risk losing your long-term partner—and eventually, even the one who never mattered much.
Long-term friendship vs short-term relationship
Meeting someone special is exciting, but don’t let a new relationship cost you a long-standing friendship. If your friend has always supported you, prioritize them. Don’t trade your friend’s loyalty for fleeting comfort.
If your significant other is worthy of your trust and commitment, introduce them to your long-term friend promptly. Show those you care about that they are part of a family, not competing for your attention. Otherwise, you risk losing your friendship, relationship, or both.
Opposite sex friendship vs relationship
Assuming you are a male and straight like the author of this article, it is safe to say that not all friendships threaten the stability of relationships equally. The case cannot be vice versa because a female friend or male friend will not feel jealous if you are seeing a potential partner, again, as long as the potential partner does not ask you, for example, to stop seeing your long-term female friend. The family approach outlined in the previous section prevents disputes over friendship versus relationship.
Not to digress any further, under normal circumstances, making friends with the opposite sex should not be a problem. However, it becomes a problem when you take your long-term relationship for granted. How do you think it sounds when you often, maybe too often, without you realising it, go for a drink with an attractive female ”co-worker” instead of going to bed early with your partner? Would it sound as bad if you did that with a male co-worker instead?
Some righteous jealousy on your partner’s part is enough to make cracks in your serious relationship, but suspicion will shatter the whole window.
Long-term friendship vs long-term relationship
This is the ideal situation you want to be in: when you are blessed with both a long-term friend and a long-term partner. As stated earlier, make sure you introduce both to one another as soon as possible. Doing this early on will save you a lot of potential problems.
With two loyal angels, you will be happier. If your longtime friend has a partner, the four of you can enjoy picnics, double dates, or other activities that strengthen your bond as a family.
When misunderstandings arise, which is part and parcel of any type of relationship, always keep the window of communication between all of you open. Be honest and always open the door of vulnerability to your loved ones. Rest assured that they will not hurt you after you open up because, after all, they love you even while they are mad at you.
The dust always settles eventually because you know you are a family, but don’t take misunderstandings lightly and shrug them off.
Remember, you are always inviting catastrophe when you start taking what you have for granted.
The Taken For Granted’s special touch on the subject
Embrace the happiness of harmonious difference.
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The debate between relationship and friendship is misplaced. What truly matters is not the label, but the depth and strength of the bond between people. A single long-term friendship or relationship holds more value than countless short-term connections or fleeting encounters.
White rose, red rose.
While friendship and relationships do not oppose each other, they do complement one another. We do need both because we humans crave variety. After all, variety is the spice of life. Flowers come in various colours and grow in different lands. If we confine ourselves to a certain kind, the colour will not look as interesting as it would if it were contrasted with another colour of a different kind.
Friendship is a white rose; a relationship is a red rose. The colour doesn’t change the fact that they are both roses.
The white and red complement each other in the big picture: difference leads to harmony when we are self-aware.
It is fine to be alone until you find the right friendship and relationship.
Society, society..
Society accepts many fallacies as truths. One of those fallacies is that there must be something wrong with you if you are alone or prefer to be alone. People are born different. Not all of us like to hang out with others for long, which comes naturally to introverts. How can you love yourself when you are constantly busy trying to win the love and approval of people you barely know?
Love yourself so you can love others.
Love yourself first and foremost. Only then will you be able to offer real love for your friend or partner. How can you love yourself? Believe in yourself and your morals. Do not pretend you like hanging out with people you barely appreciate just to appear social. It will eat you up from the inside and amplify the feelings of solitude. You do not have to be social to be ”good. You were born with inherent worth, and we were all born in the same way. I have never seen anyone coming out of his or her mother’s womb doing a somersault, have you?
Shine so they can find you.
Never let your desire for true friendship and relationship feed on your self-love. The people you feel truly comfortable with are out there. It is worth the wait. When you believe in certain values and morals and consistently act them out in the world, you may end up losing a lot of people – for the better. You are automatically sifting through friends or partners who would not stick anyway, but you will eventually find your family. It may not be fast, but it will come. As long as you love yourself first, and behave true to yourself in the world, they will find you.
What do you think of friendship vs relationship? Do you believe there are any other differences between the two? What is your experience with both? Is it a good experience or a bad experience? Is one ”better” than the other?
Please share what you think in the comments below! Thanks for reading!
Interested in exploring similar posts? Visit the Unspoken Psychology & Philosophy hub for more!
Beautiful article! Let’s not take our long term ships for granted!